Painting Jokes & Funny Painter Stories

Pastor Painting the Church

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.

One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.

He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back into town and, being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back and began to thin his paint.

It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.

That night, it rained. It rained hard. The next morning, when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.

The pastor looked up in the sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"

A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"

How Do You Catch a Green Elephant?

How do you catch a green elephant?

Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.

Why Do Elephants Paint Their Toenails Red?

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in strawberry patches.

The Red Paint and Blue Paint Ships

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?

Both crews were marooned.

The Art Heist

Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.

However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Painting the Porch

John was going around door to door looking for chores to do. He went to a house where an old man lived, and the old man had a chore for him.

He said he would pay him $50 if he painted his porch in the back. John said okay and got to work.

One hour and thirty-two minutes later, he came out and told the old man he was done. The old man paid him, and as John was walking away he said:

"By the way, it's not a Porsche... it's a Lincoln."

Jesus and an Oil Painting

What's the difference between Jesus and an oil painting?

You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

Painting the House

One day, a blonde wife, roughly 25, wanted to prove to her husband that not all blondes were dumb.

So she decided she was going to paint the house while he was at work. When her husband got home, he noticed that she was digging through the closet, looking for something.

When he asked her what she was doing, she said:

"The paint can said, 'For best results, use two coats.'"

House Painting

One March day my wife said that the house needed painting.

"It's still winter," I replied. "Forget it."

In April, she told me she had bought some exterior latex. I said that it was still too cold to paint.

In May, I heard her outside one day yelling for help, and we set up the ladder so she could start painting the house. Then I went inside to get a beer.

As I sat in a lawn chair not far from where my wife was working, a neighbour passed by.

"Aren't you ashamed?" she asked. "How can you sit there drinking beer while your wife is up on a ladder painting the house?"

Glancing up at my wife, I responded:

"She doesn't like beer."

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